lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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