At least make sure they are 18
Why
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
