I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
