went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
