Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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