the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
