I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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