Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
