my phone needs a breathalizer
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
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