When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
