I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
smell my finger.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
