I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
