I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
