Need sex. Gaining weight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
