You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
