My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just pee around me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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