I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
