Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
