you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
