Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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