Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
