we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
