are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You're my little dorito
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
