Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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