I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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