Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
