Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
