AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
