why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
sarcasm needs its own font
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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