is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
