someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
