I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
