We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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