The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
