Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
