My brain says no but my pants say off.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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