my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
