I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
