I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Apparently you make a good broom.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
