so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
