You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The uberlube is also flammable
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
