What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize