I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
