I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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