I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
