I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Randomize
