Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
