You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
