Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
