She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
