yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
