Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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