i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
