Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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