Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
