Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
