I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i out mim tonsoeep
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