Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
