Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
