he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
