bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i believe in u and ur pee
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
