fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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